Aside from the obvious (beauty, charm, intelligence, and quite possibly, laziness) what does a redheaded spinster have in common with Cleopatra and Helen of Troy? The answer, of course, is a propensity to be showered with rare gifts.
Like the three wise men flocking to the manger, people have been presenting me with rare and wondrous items. I like to tell myself that I'm more like Jesus and less like an angry volcano god that must be appeased, but I digress. Where was I? Oh yes, so Baby Jesus may have cornered the market on gold, frankincense & myrrh, but when it comes to spinster finery I have received the cream of the crop. Rare gifts I have received include but are not limited to:
Kitty Cross Stitch: Four panels of hand-stitched hilarity. Does it hang on the wall? Does one display it on a flat surface? Am I to take up cross stitching so I can create kitty-themed coasters to fill up these little squares? I don't know! What I do know is that I feel happy every time I look at it. Thanks, Sinéad!
Twin Cat Trays: The amazing thing about the twin cat trays, other than the fact that they proudly proclaim to be 100% Melamine, is that they are identical YET they were gifted to the spinster household from two completely different people; One from Kim's friend Rob, and the other from my co-worker Alice. What are the odds?! One tray holds our antique rosebud cream and sugar set, the other is on display in the living room where everyone can fully appreciate the two adorable kittens surrounded by daisies and butterflies. Thanks to "Ashdene of Australia" for producing more than one of these, and for making them dishwasher safe.
Spinster Slogan T: There isn't a cat in sight, yet this is one spinsteriffic t-shirt. It reads: "Love: I guess I'm just not wired that way". It's funny (and ever so slightly painful) because it's true! Thanks to MH for this sassy article of clothing.
Pink Porcelain Kitty Bank: Never have I longed for a mantelpiece more than when I received this work of art. Pink Kitty is ever so cleverly designed to look like she's peering inquisitively over the edge of a surface, just like a real kitty! AND she's a Kitty bank! For now she, and her adorable pink neck ribbon, will have to settle for peering over the bookshelf as Spinster Mansion lacks a fireplace. One day though, Pink Kitty, you will gaze majestically over the edge of a grand mantelpiece, as God and nature intended. Thanks to all my beloved bit*#es for this treasure and for the many jokes about pu**y that followed.
Majestic Brass Bearded Unicorn: He's majestic. He's brass. He is bearded. He's a flipping unicorn. The Brass Bearded Unicorn has graced the bookshelf of Spinster Mansion for many months. It is not a gift that I have received, but rather one that I await giving. BBU will finally be bestowed upon my sister in spinsterhood, Sara P, when she flies in from Edmonton to pick him up in May; while in Victoria she may also visit her mom and her friends, but mostly the trip is to claim custody of BBU, obviously.