Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Entry #15 - Hydro Fantasy

Diary of a Spinster Aunt: Entry #15 - Perhaps it's the allure of an unwilling man being forced into our home, but nothing excites a spinster like a visit from the BC Hydro man. Independent of one another, and over a year apart, Kim and I posted the following status updates:

December 4, 2009 at 1:58pm
Dear BC Hydro Employee, I believe you were as surprised as I was when I looked up from my usual morning tradition of dancing around in my underwear to the terrible music on channel 401 to find you working on the pole outside my living room window. I think perhaps the song "We belong to the night" by Pat Benetar has new meaning for both of us. Love, The girl whose apartment faces the alley behind Wark Street.
December 4, 2009 at 1:58pm

October 8 at 10:31am
BC Hydro man, I am so sorry. Sorry a) that you saw me with no bra on, b) you saw all the awkward spinster art in our apartment, and c) that you have to wear hideous half-bootie type shoes
October 8 at 10:31am

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Entry #14: Horrendously Amazing

Diary of a Spinster Aunt: Entry #14 - I have acquired what is possibly the greatest work of spinster art ever created...the fancy-cut kitten poster laquered onto a piece of fancy-cut plywood. Why does this exist?? #menwillrunscreaming #horrendouslyamazing

Entry #13 - Dangers of Cat Hoarding

Diary of a Spinster Aunt: Entry #13 - Sustained a serious arm injury today while trying to bathe my cat, Gus, after I discovered he had poop all over his fluffy pants. Dear Gus, mama's going to look really nice in that strapless bridesmaid dress this weekend with three giant scratch marks and a puncture wound on her arm. #alwaysabridesmaid

Entry #12 - Thomas Porn Affair

Diary of a Spinster Aunt: Entry #12 - My room mate Kim is still hard at work churning out artistic masterpieces, check out the way she has improved upon Magritte's "Son of Man"! (Oil on Canvas, 8X12 K Dezall 2010). This one was inspired by the Thomas Crown Affair, and by the Thomas Crown affair I mean that sex scene between Pierce Brosnan and Rene Russo. Oh Pierce, putting dirty thoughts into the minds of spinsters everywhere!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Entry #11 - Monopoly & Manilow

Diary of a Spinster Aunt: Entry #11 - I caught my friend Kim playing online Monopoly while simultaneously listening to Barry Manilow. Way to really embrace the spinster lifestyle, pal. I've never been so proud. #ohmandy

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Entry #10 - Victorian Cat Capers..

Diary of a Spinster Aunt: Entry#10 - Thanksgiving Edition - Dear Diary, I am thankful that although my attractive and fertile years are dwindling, my cat plate collection is booming! New additions include "Who's the fairest of them all?", and "Puss in Boots". Note that documentation of authenticity is included to prove that one plate is indeed part of the Premier Victorian Cat Capers collection from the Bradford Exchange. #picturepurrfect

Entry #9 - Romancing the Floss

Diary of a Spinster Aunt: Entry #9 - I really need to buy a bedside table to organize all the things that seem to end up gathered beside my bed; romance novels, chapstick, sleeping mask, box of Kleenex, and last but not least, a bag of floss sticks. Because nothing says “I sleep alone” like flossing in your twin size bed while you read a novel entitled “Taming the Scotsman”. #mydentistlovesme


Monday, October 4, 2010

Entry #8 - Spinster Gothic

Diary of a Spinster Aunt: Entry #8 - We continue to fill Spinster Palace with glorious works of art created by Kim. In this newest piece entitled "Spinster Gothic" (Oil on Canvas 11x17 K Dezall 2010), Kim pays homage to the Grant Wood classic "American Gothic", replacing the father and his spinster daughter (I'm not making this up... with two redheaded spinsters you might recognize. You may also recognize a certain palace in the background. Bidding will start at $50.00..Do I hear $50.00?

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Entry #7 - Vitamins and Minerals

Diary of a Spinster Aunt: Entry #7 - I take a plethora of vitamins and minerals in the hope that they will help me attain my goal of living long enough to be called “Great...Great Aunt Hannah”. Living into my nineties will also ensure my bitterness has an opportunity to age nicely, becoming full bodied and complex - like a fine wine. The only thing that will smell stronger than my bitterness will be my perfume, which I will apply both liberally and frequently. #floralandmusktopnotes

Entry #6 - Celestial Spinsters

Diary of a Spinster Aunt: Entry #6 - Aside from our burgeoning collection of cat plates, Kim and I have decided to decorate our new Spinsterette Pad with an artwork collection built entirely of paintings dedicated to spinsterhood, more specifically, portraits of our two favourite spinsters...ourselves. Kim has entitled this first beauty "Celestial Spinsters"(oil on canvas 11X17 - K.Dezall 2010). Considering changing diary name to "Diary of a Spinster Art Collector".

Entry #5 - Cat Plates

Diary of a Spinster Aunt: Entry #5 - My roommate/sister-in-spinsterhood Kim and I started a collection of decorative plates, more specifically, plates featuring adorable cats and kittens. So far we have "Frolicking Felines" and "Pussyfooting Around". "Well would you look at that! Those naughty little cats got the milk! Precious!"

Entry #4 - Ikea

Diary of a Spinster Aunt: Entry #4 - Dear Diary, I went to Ikea in Edmonton with one of my favourite spinster sisters, Sara Parker. We shared a delightful meal and then proceeded to purchase some classic spinster gear: twin sized sheets for me, and a lovely lap blanket for Sara, which she insists will not be shared with her 3 cats*. * Norman (the cat) sat on it immediately.

Entry #3 - Animal Themed Earrings

Diary of a Spinster Aunt: Entry #3 - Dear Diary, It occurred to me today that I have reached my spinster quota of animal themed earrings; including, but not limited to, fish, peacocks, beetles, and four different types of owls. Considering changing diary name to "Diary of Miss Frizzle".

Entry #2 - Circulars and Gin

Diary of a Spinster Aunt: Entry #2 - Dear Diary, Wound down my Friday night by browsing the circulars in the bathtub while drinking gin and juice. What can I say, I like being laid back, with my mind on my money and my money on my mind. "Oh look, anti-aging/anti-acne cream is on sale at Shopper's..."

Entry #1 - Crumble and Nelly

Diary of a Spinster Aunt: Entry #1 -Ate apple crumble straight from the dish while listening to Nelly’s “Hot in Herre” and reflecting upon the “good old days”.