Sunday, March 13, 2011

Entry #31 - Spinster Birthday Bonanza

Dear Diary,
In a historical romance novel, when the lead female character is cast as a "spinster", she is almost always 28 years old. In the mind of historical romance writers, this is the age when spinsterhood is comfortably established, almost all hope for romance and suitors is abandoned, and a small bedroom has been set up in the parents’ or a married sibling’s home. Well Diary, guess who is now working on decade 2.8? The answer would be THIS spinster, and I consider this the first year of the “Prime of my Spinsterhood“. I am still debating with myself whether to call it "Decade 2.8" or "One-Score-Year-and-Eight". Decade 2.8 has a very modern feel to it, but One-Score-Year-and-Eight is kind of sexy in that Abraham Lincoln kind of way.
How does a modern-day spinster celebrate her birthday? So glad you asked. We do not celebrate with other spinsters exclusively, no no. All spinsters must have a mix of friends, including fellow spinsters and those who are non-spinsters. The non-spinsters are the people who will likely, but not necessarily, go on to have children in the future; children that I will baby-sit and force lipstick smooches upon, probably while they choke on the scent of my floral-and-musk perfume. But I digress. Back to the party.
When I asked myself what I wanted to do for my birthday the first thing that popped into my mind was - “EAT FOOD!” When I asked myself what I liked to eat best, the answer of course was…cheese! That's right, it all started with a platter of cheese. Then we added multiple bottles of wine, a fancy hotel room, a whole bunch of ladies, party dresses, cupcakes, 90’s Night, and one GB (Gay Boyfriend)*.
Then, there was getting ready for the party…

It may take a village to raise a child, but it takes a whole team of people to help this spinster get gussied up. At one point I had two people with curling irons in my hair while I drank a glass of wine and sang along loudly to whatever Heather decided to play for us . Clearly wearing my own clothing was not an option, spinster formal wear is appropriate only for cruise ships and other people’s wedding receptions (think sequins and/or awkward vintage). Luckily for me, I have stylish and attractive friends with inclinations toward fashion. The lovely Enisa Hot (stylist, photographer, and general beautifier extraordinaire) brought from Vancouver the most perfect spinster-chic dress imaginable for me to wear, one covered in PEARLS.

It was a magical evening, I was given not one but TWO cat puzzles and a whole series of First Nations themed historical romance novels, a genre I have never read before. I was both offended and aroused by the somewhat racist cover art. We even managed to take a photo of a few of us in our party dresses in the classic Disney “Cinderella Pose”…even though Prince-not-so-Charming sometimes runs off with an average step-hipster in the end. More wine!

* My Gay Boyfriend, Bryan, needs an entire diary entry dedicated to him. All I will say here, is that a GB is a GREAT thing to have.


  1. I LOVE reading your blog posts! Definately a Chicago fan here :-) Happy Belated Birthday!

  2. Birthday Brilliance my Beauty!