Entry #46 - Spinster in Paradise

Dear Diary,

      
When you are a spinster, you are sometimes obligated, in the interest of propriety, to escort your younger, more desirable friends on vacation. This is how I came to find myself sitting in a golf cart in the middle of a parking lot; sweating through my SPF 50 sunscreen while wearing a striped floral romper, pink sequin visor, and an expression of perpetual sardonicism.

Entry #45 - Spinster at the Homestead

                                              

Dear Diary,
    This week I returned to the old homestead to visit my family, and in particular, my expatriate sister and her two adorable children. I have mentioned my sister Amy many, many times before. She is the super buff one (with the handsome husband a two beautiful children) who literally lives the American dream in Texas. This week she brought my niece and nephew up to the Great White North for a visit with the Canadian relations. Thus, my sister, brother, and I were all at home together for the first time in a long time. Here are some highlights:

Entry #44 - Synonyms for "Burden"

Dear Diary,
  
    I am sorry I have neglected you. Moving out of spinster mansion sapped me not only of my time and energy, but I am also now without Gus and my twin sized bed. This may seem a poor excuse for not writing, Diary, but I am very much a Spinster of habit and find it off-putting when I cannot write in my usual place. Currently I am sitting at a desk in front of an imac, when usually I write whilst reclining in my twin sized bed with my laptop on my gut and Gus on my legs, tea to my right and Smart Pop to my left. Long story short, it took me a while to pull it together.

I have returned to the place where Diary of a Spinster Aunt was born; the place where I ate crumble straight from the baking dish, read the circulars while drinking gin in the bathtub, and generally made a burden of myself for numerous weeks until Kim returned to Victoria and we moved into Spinster Mansion. That place is S&V's house.

Entry #42 - Spinster Couture

Dear Diary,
    I have always considered myself to be a fashionista of sorts. I first became aware of my keen eye for fashion in grade four. For most of that year I wore the same outfit; floral leggings, an over sized red sweatshirt that had a huge happy face on the front and said "Don't Worry Be Happy", pushed-down coloured socks, and a side pony with a scrunchy. I looked good. This was also the year I got bangs thanks to the boy I had a crush on telling me I had a "Klingon" forehead. I will concede that he did have a point, it is more of a fivehead than a forehead, but he didn't have to point that out to me. To this day I still feel a little self conscious every time Star Trek is on, which is awkward as I totally have a thing for Captain Jean Luc Picard; he can "make it so" any time he wants to, if you know what I'm sayin'. WINK!

Entry #41 - Mansion on the Market

Dear Diary,
   With Kim's departure for Scotland and my gregarious house guests back to Vancouver, leaving only the cat and Kim's unfinished portrait of "Birth of a Spinster" to keep me company, I must confess, the view from where I sit has been rather grey. I initially meant this figuratively (and as a salute to Pride & Prejudice), but the view from my window literally just got worse when I looked up to see my ex-boyfriend's car in the turn lane at the intersection below. If you have never loudly booed someone and shaken your fist at them from a safe distance (while wearing ugly pyjamas, a side ponytail, and writing about your life of lonely spinsterhood), I highly recommend it, very therapeutic.